Dear Abby
Advice columns date back to the 17th century, ranging from a variety of topics like medicine, philosophy, and government. These columns made their way into the mainstream newspapers in the late 1800s, expounding on topics like relationships and social obligations. When women columnists took these over in the 20th century, they began addressing domestic questions such as sewing and cooking as well as marriage, culture, behavior, etiquette, and more. The advice provided in these columns was limited, filtered first through the lens of the inquirer’s experience and then through the columnist’s reply. And, it is likely the columnist only chose to respond to a small percentage of the number of inquiries he or she received. Then, this advice was disseminated through one vehicle, the printed newspaper or magazine, and seen only by its readers. Their remaining popularity for so many centuries reiterates humanity’s desire for advice and need for guidance.
I am an information addict; therefore, I have always been a huge fan of the World Wide Web. Today’s digital world offers so much more than just advice. It offers connectivity, entertainment, education, convenience, efficiency, help, career opportunities, and more. I absolutely love the global aspect where everyone in the world is connected and the saying “It’s a small world” now makes the most sense. We now have the entire world at our fingertips and, along with that, every opinion anyone ever had – including mine since you’re graciously reading my blog.
On the Internet, I can find extensive advice on the best ways to eat – through intermittent fasting, counting macros, the carnivore diet, or by eating exclusively plant-based; the best ways to exercise – with pilates, Crossfit, Cyclebar, Orangetheory, or the Pelaton and Beachbody communities; the best ways to parent – by sleep training, using attachment theories, authoritative parenting, or learning about the psychological effects of discipline; the best ways to diagnose and treat various ailments – by checking symptoms on WebMD, using the Mayo Clinic resources, reading endless articles and studies on too many medical issues, how to use homeopathic options and oils, or searching for the best supplements; the best ways to plan – a party, wedding, engagement, vacation, or birthday; and so, so much more. On any given day, I can connect with my friends around the US, create an entirely new diet for our home attached to all the reasons why, rearrange the house with a new set of organizational tools, learn to play an instrument, order 12 things on Amazon, start a business, and diagnose myself with MRSA… all in one day. *If you think I am joking, ask my husband.*
I mean, who wouldn’t want THAT much access to information?
Me.
I am learning that I do not want or need that much access to information. It is truly overwhelming.
As I am sure you would agree, there are plenty of reasons not to love the distractive and addictive nature of the digital world despite all its benefits. “We” are hesitant to blame the Internet and digital devices for “everything,” but humans have been finding distractions and addictions for all of time, long before the digital age. The most prominent reason I have begun to address the negative influence it has on my life is simple: I am losing the art of hearing the voice of God.
Flooded with so many opposing theories and submerged in advice of every kind, I become so full of information that I can’t find Him in the still small whisper or the loud burning bush. It’s all disguised by a barrage of opinions, data, methods, and research, most of which I cannot even verify as true or good or right. If I am not careful, my interior life is no longer interior. It becomes an exterior result of a thousand Dear Abbys flooding across my screen and permeating into my heart.
It does not matter if it is to ask God what I should have for lunch, how I should do a load of laundry, or if I should make a major life change, God gifted me with a brain and a heart to prayerfully discern all of these things and it is my job to pursue an inspired choice, devoid of Internet confusion, that aims to know, love, and serve Him. My children are a gift for me and my husband to raise, not the Internet. My home, my finances, and even my body are a gift to me to steward with careful attention and are not outside of God’s care and opinion for my life. While advice is important (& even has an appropriate place in the discernment process), too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. There has to be a balance.
At a recent women’s retreat, I spent the weekend detached from the digital and outside world. I was amazed at the reawakening of my interior life where I gained a true awareness of how inundated I had become with what I consume online. When I allow this to take precedence, I lack confidence in my decision-making, struggle with insecurities, overload my schedule by giving too many YESs, react to stress or noise poorly, worry about more than I should, and clench my hands in control over my life. I experience more sadness, anxiety, despair, fear, inadequacy, confusion, and hopelessness. More importantly, I risk letting God be the primary influence over my life and my decisions.
Everyday discernment is an integral part of my interior life and is only possible with regular prayer. I have always relied so heavily on my “Holy Spirit gut feeling” which only happens when I am in touch with what He wants and regularly consulting Him on the matters of my heart and my life. I have learned that my relationship with Him is built through spending time in Adoration, frequenting the Sacraments, reading Scripture, scheduling disciplined prayer time, taking social media fasts, setting screen time limits, and turning off the news (digital or televised) so that I can more easily recognize His voice. Nothing is too small for Him to care about. He can order my day, inspire my work, guide my interactions with others, and help me prioritize health and wellness. Even my to-do list benefits from His guidance. By including him in these smaller moments that may seem insignificant, I am more prepared to discern major issues or make complex decisions when they arise.
His input gives my life more freedom. Today, as we gear up for a new school year and the return of the calendar chaos, I have a new conviction to remember to ask God first, not Abby.
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MORE INFORMATION ON DISCERNMENT:
https://www.catholiccentral.com/catholic-central-episodes/discernment