On this day, seven years ago, I experienced Tanya’s last words, last thoughts, and last moments before our tragic car accident ended her life. I am aware of the sacred privilege of those last moments. The goodness of that last day we spent together is a gift to me that I know others wish to have had. That day felt very full - of conversation and food and music and laughter and friendship. It was also evident to me how fully she lived - with her family, her friendships, her travels, her church, and more!

I have always had some connection to her. Imagine the desperation she must have had, bleeding for 12 years with no answers and complete ostracization from society. That is an incredibly long time. I have always wondered if I would have been as hopeful as she when she approached Jesus in the crowd. She believed she just needed to touch Him, even if in the smallest way. It wasn’t the garment itself, but the person wearing it.

There is depth to abandoning your agenda, silencing the distraction of opposition, and clinging to the will of God. Getting out of your way is virtuous. Discarding the feigned apathy is important. As the article said, we must “make of a gift of our whole existence, of all that we have, even our own ideas and feelings.”

He kept reiterating that we must always remember to ask the Lord for what we want as well as to seek those desires. I think that’s the part I always forget – the seeking. We seek out so many things in our lives: houses we want to live in, success in our careers, relationships and friendships we desire, things we want to own, etc. But, sometimes, I simply make God aware of something I want and I leave it at that.

As I was driving out of the driveway last week, I realized that Levi’s little satsuma tree was already bearing fruit. He received and planted the tree in March of this year and it surprisingly survived this summer’s intense heat. Though it is meager in stature, it already has fruit! I paused to take a photo and realized a meager offering is still an offering. And, the tree is not worried if it is big enough, sturdy enough, or perfect enough; it simply does what it does, and that bears fruit.

Several years after we were married, I realized we shared the date with the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Thankfully, nothing is a coincidence for God. It made sense considering all we had survived during the first decade of marriage – several back-to-back pregnancies, a miscarriage, the death of my mom, a fatal car accident with a 30-day stay in the hospital, job losses, career changes, financial stressors, spiritual valleys, and more.