Mending Nets
After John had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God: "This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel." As he passed by the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting their nets into the sea; they were fishermen. Jesus said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men." Then they abandoned their nets and followed him. He walked along a little farther and saw James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John. They too were in a boat mending their nets. Then he called them. So they left their father Zebedee in the boat along with the hired men and followed him. – Mark 1:14-20
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When I was three years old, I went to Disney world for the first time. That trip is one of the earliest memories in my life. One of the most vivid images that I can recall from that trip was the plate spinner in “It’s a Small World.” As she catches one plate, it seems another one spins off its axis. Though the plates never tumble to the ground, the plate spinner just seems exhausted. All those plates keep spinning – all in unison, all in motion, all without a break.
There have been many times where I have felt like that character. My life has always been incredibly full. “Do all the things and do them exceptionally well” has often been a mindset that dictated much of my life. However, when the accident happened, the world stopped spinning. Right there on the side of Interstate 210, there was a stillness that I had never before experienced. I often recall the scary moment my eyes first opened and the days that immediately followed. Since everything seemed incredibly slow, I had a hard time making sense of the world around me.
Sitting in Mass a few weeks ago, I listened to Mark’s gospel in which Jesus calls His first Apostles. Because Mass with 3 young children comes with a variety of distractions, I always participate in the Mass with a “Lectio Divina approach.” That’s a fancy way of saying that I pray that whatever words I am supposed to hear during each celebration is just what God wants me to hear that day.
Calling out to me loudly that day were the lines: “They too were in a boat mending their nets. {...} Then he called them. So they left {...} and followed him.” I thought it was interesting that they were not actively fishing like the two before them. What stood out to me was that they were taking the time to fix what was broken; they were choosing to experience stillness. Knowing that it was necessary for a more prosperous catch later, they stopped to mend their nets.
As a result of the accident, I was forced to take 6.5 months off of work, and largely life, to mend my nets. I don’t know if I have ever taken such a large break from anything before. In that process, there have been some really slow days, some really excruciating moments, and some really, really big holes. As the healing continues, and as I continue to find more knots and tangles and various holes, it is easy to get overwhelmed. When I tend to one thing, it seems another spins off its axis. I do often worry about HOW I’ll mend my nets. How will I lose the 42 pounds that my body has packed on in this process? How will I ever get back to exercising again? How will I manage returning to work? How will I ever be the mom and wife and friend I used to be? How will we recover financially? How will I ever have a back that doesn’t hurt? How? How? How?
Truth is, it doesn’t really matter how. Or even if. It matters WHO.
Who will orchestrate all of that? Certainly not me, as I am not a miracle worker. Throughout this process, I have painstakingly grown to understand that I am not the One in control. I am not the plate spinner. I am also not the mender of nets. He is. In order to live a prosperous, full life, it is necessary that I take the time to allow Him to heal me in the stillness. And, like the Apostles, as He calls out to me, it is only necessary that I follow Him. Placing it all in His hands to fix is much less overwhelming than trying to do it on my own.
